everybody loves dat ass
Everyone SAYS they want a fairytale wedding but when I show up and curse their firstborn suddenly I’m a jerk.
(Source: meilleure--amie, via agentbering)
Argument I heard on the bus
- Guy 1: no, niggah, gay bros can raise babies. Look at that warthog motherfucker and that ferret thing that raised Simba. And that niggah became king of motherfucking Africa.
WHEN DID SIMON PEGG TURN INTO GARY OLDMAN
MIGP AU - Americas Next Top Model
B I T C H - The Avengers
Here I forced it to work
Sorry Coulson’s not in the last one.
Ever wondered what lay beneath those “censored” red bars of this now infamous play of “Party Quirks”? Wonder no more.
OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO PEE MYSELF
Still one of the best Whose Line skits ever.
(Source: colin-mochrie, via gorgeousnerd)
My visit to get screened for cancer:
- Nurse: "Sorry your boyfriend couldn't wait for you in the waiting room, it makes women feel uncomfortable."
- Me: "He wasn't my boyfriend and I don't see how it would make them uncomfortable, but that's my opinion. He was here for moral support. I understood, and so does he."
- Nurse: "So he's your...."
- Me: "Friend."
- Nurse: (During the question asking) "How many sexual partners have you had?"
- Me: "11."
- Nurse: "How old were you when you first became sexually active?"
- Me: "....Loaded question but....14, I guess."
- Nurse: "You're sexually active, then."
- Me: "Well....I guess...but..."
- Nurse: "How many times have you been pregnant?"
- Me: "Uh. 0."
- Nurse: "O...kayy...-Checks 'condoms' as my preferred use of birth control-"
- Me: "I don't use condoms. Or take birth control."
- Nurse: "Then how do you avoid getting pregnant?"
- Me: "With homosexuality."
- Me: "I fuck girls."
WHY IS HE LUNGING THO
‘CAUSE IT’S THE RENNER!LUNGE
(Source: ezmiisaname, via lookattheseperfectmotherfuckers)
the face of fear
(Source: videohall, via agentbering)
Have I mentioned how much I love George Takei?
BECAUSE I DO.